1-2: buckle my show

1. Sometimes we are standing at the same place but because we are shouting so much it seems as if we are at a distance.

2. People are focused. When we hear stuff, we gather the info in front of us, and put it into the shredder of focus. Some shred it by applying it all on themselves. Pure paranoia. He is really saying this to ME through this example. On their relationship. This too means he wants to end. As an affirmation to their theories and beliefs. How can we learn to defocus. As I read in the book, eat pray, love, Italians just be. Why can’t we just be? I can’t! I watched grays right now, and I can apply every lesson to my life. I loved it. Buy why?

3. Beautiful lesson from grays: many lawsuits can be avoided by saying sorry. Cause many people really just want to be acknowledged. Just say sorry. They were right.

4. I once came up with this thought. I stand by it. Apologies should be made with greater aplomb than the insult/hurt/act causing the apology. It’s like favors. Or borrowed money. Always pay back more. And no don’t bring in convenience. Friends don’t need it. They understand the body language. The puppy eyes. They know. Oh they KNOW. So go out and say sorry. Cause for a friend, sorry are not priced with egos.

5. Acknowledge through praise. There is perhaps no speedier way to a heart than praise. For ANYONE. It’s one stop shop for a smile. Genuine praise.

6. Whale done. Highlighting the positive and ignoring the negatives. Why is this hardest to do where it’s needed the most? Where there are repeated fights, fallouts, breakups, let downs. Where it will really matter?

7. If whale done is highlighting the positive, is shark done what we otherwise and normally do? Highlighting the negative and forgranting the positive?

8. If you deliberately/accidentally saw somebody else’s phone, and saw something against you, can you hold the other person up to charge?

9. At the end of the day it’s all about the choices we make. Or don’t make. To write. Deliberate. Express. Hide. Say. Act. Do. Then why do we, no why do I want to not those choices by complaining about stuff.


10. If we choose x and know we should pursue it, but it doesn’t make me happy, do I have to explain it to you? It’s like I am working hard and I am tired but I don’t want you to tell me to quit my job or don’t complain. Just listen. Acknowledge. Be there.

11. Similarly, when someone asks for a favor; give or decline. Don’t cross question. Don’t give alternatives. They have considered those alternatives and then come to you. Asking is not easy. So respect that. Don’t make asking look like begging. Make it look easy. Easy doesn’t mean the taker doesn’t realize its worth. Their gratitude goes up, not down, when you do the favor like a breeze.

12. How will we learn to just be? In the feedback session with gora trainers, my guru Jon taught us value of just listening to feedback and being. In the moments. With ourselves. Just be. To not have to justify, prove, explain. Just be. Ah what a world that would be. Be.

Are you listening?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

The Usual Suspects

Fri April 23, 2010

As a bonus, this week I wrote another piece- extension on Manage Smart. Aka time drainers these are habits weaved in our lives that suck on time like a parasite! Spot them and flog them on SPOT. Some of my detested ones.

a) Smsing in the same room-don’t bother smsing back unless urgent and important.
b) Repetition. Do it once and do it well. Make it a policy to edit and finalize tasks as they occur. These suspects also take shape of lingering decisions, prolonged ‘discussions’ and unclosed decisions
c) Search killers. Similar to repetition yet important to deserve a separate bullet is our important R&D. Prior any assignment, I search like no Google tomorrow. And of course because I have no time, dump the search in an obscure folder guaranteed to never be of use again. Organize search to expand current and save future time.
d) Save the tough for the last. Wrong. Tough is top!
e) Aloo gosht conversations. Hi hellos, weather, gossip and alas, vague feel talk. These endless communications serve no purpose, drain energy and distract immensely.
f) Lameness of sameness. In school I hung out with the same gang post 2. In college, post 4. At work 6. Same people. Same topics. This naturally comfortable phenomena wreck time balance. Diversity of people results in diversity of tasks done.
g) Set minds. Sometimes our mind is the most usual suspect. Common crimes:
i) Weekend boundaries- inability to understand the weekend is the break from work.
ii) I don’t have time. With this belief 100 hours are not enough.
iii) Time spent is directly proportional to significance. It’s not. It IS proportional to excuses, ill balance, inefficiency and others. I met a friend after quite a while and in a room full of people, we felt we are on our own, connected and entranced by our own conversation! Quality over quantity!
h) LS: listing syndrome. I suffered this. I had lists for my lists and I spend more time making them than working. Einstein said I would spend 95 out of 100 minutes analyzing a problem and 5 to solve it. Understand the difference between understanding a task and listing a task.
i) More. When something/someone is fun, inspiring etc, it’s natural to want more. Learn to say no to yourself and others, NO MORE please.
j) Problem participant. They are like a presenter’s difficult audience. They want help, advice, share, time- all the time. Tip. Give them the edge of responsibility and learn to assertively ignore.
k) Indulging in usual suspects. Don’t tackle these slowly with love. State your purpose and intent to make most of everyone’s time. Be guiltless. And steer clear.

Till next weekend. Always Ajju

Manage Smart

Friday april 23, 2010

This week after years of grueling over tipsy work-life balance, time scarcity and being parched and stretched, I managed my life! My emotions, friends, family and most importantly me and my time-happy little balls juggling in the air. Some ideas that worked.

1) Priorities. I asked many people for top tips on work life balance. Most centered on having priorities and being disciplined on them. Priorities change with different ages and stages but make no mistake that unless you are your priority, you won’t get very far, in this article or life. An empty well can’t quench anyone’s thirst. So proactively look out for your health and respect your heart and mind. Stand up for when you are stretched and tighten the leash when you slack off.

2) Dial 15... Min min. Tasks are daunting errands we must do. 15 minute is easy time slot we can choose. Match the two by dedicating 15 minimum minutes to a task. By adding a constraint we creatively manage more and tougher tasks than with unlimited time access. Aka time boxing; create time frames as per requirement or priority. E.g. overall work box can be 9-6 or pest box (for small annoying,
buzzing tasks) one hour. Tip: Play between max and min for max win!

3) Monkey business. Delegation is a man bless if you know the rules. My take from the famous HBS article* on delegation.
a) If someone hands over their monkey to you, hand it right back. Screw graciousness.
b) Try to give your monkey away to a person who has authority, knowledge and responsibility
c) You can do it doesn’t mean you will. They don’t know doesn’t mean they shouldn’t or cant. Train your team to take care of monkeys!

* Google article for more; monkey refers to tasks)
4) Usual suspects aka time drainers. Spot these in your schedule and kill them ON THE SPOT. (next writing to elaborate on my usual suspects)

5) Twice a day every day. Within the work box, it’s important to limit and fix certain ongoing things. Top most is emails. Reserve slots in the morn and eve. Also includes social media.

6) M.USE. Use as your muse the skill of Multi Usage tasking. If you are a man, or over 28, aim for at least a basic muse or go for tackling many targets with one arrow!

7) Meal choice. Time spent together can be compared to food for relationships. How often, how much, what variety-some tips:
a) Buffet; this rich varied fun diet is good once in a while. Ideal for social gatherings and friends get together. Call many and achieve many purposes. Tip: you don’t waste the buffet by hogging one dish only.
b) Piece meal; for our closed ones, spouses or equals and family – these nugget sized meals ensure energy and metabolism throughout the day. Tip: avoid large sized nuggets resulting in lethargy and obesity!
c) Simple nutritious one heavy meal: Like the breakfast this daily meal sustains you throughout the day. Tip: this is often determined by priorities and can vary between work, loved one or yourself. Aim for no leftovers!

8) Out of rote road. My most mismanaged tasks are attempting obligations. When I have to, I just can’t efficiently do. I whine, stall and wreck my schedule at such tasks. Solution: STOP! Fracture monotony. Socially I now trek between sums, talk, creating, baking, quiet rides and emails to express myself to my friends and family. Caution: assert this IS your chosen method for being in touch so you don’t have to repeat in the other’s preferred way.
Similarly at work, attempt things differently. You’re a trainer. Go manage a relationship once in a while. Write. Sing. Coach. Speak on random new topics. Routine, no matter how inspiring, at the day end is routine. And nothing beats a creative mind’s working like routine.

9) Support Tech. These gadgets were made to ease our tasks and our lives. So let’s learn to expand our times with :
1. Bluetooth ear piece
2. Tweet deck
3. Loafah with handles
4. Online calendars and other syncs
5. Speed reading
6. Smart phones (with connectivity)
7. Auto/pre typed sms/messages/mails
8. Dying batteries (cell phone)
9. Bossy friends

To realizations

July 28, 2010. A different day. Black. Like the color black, this day had so many variations- the common being intense.

For me this day started kal shab say. All that happened. All that was said, heard, unsaid. As I look back on today, especially after the tears have stopped, in memory of my friend Kiran, I realize. Realize, connect, and reflect.

The big picture

Last night I bonded with my God. Strong, passionate, tete a tete. As I bowed in sajda, my body sobbing, asking repeatedly for my petty wish, I felt Him communicate to me in realizations. One sigh wrecked my body, and in the next peaceful one, I saw the smallness of that wish whizz by eyes. Literally, 5 years flashed by in 5 milli seconds. And like a dialogue, I immediately sobbed again and said, yes well, BUT just give me this. But this is teaching you. Patience. Discipline. Making you stronger. Ah yes, I want all that but just take this away; I’ll learn some other way-no wait. Don’t give me another test. No of course I want the learning. Ugh, look you’re the one. I am sorry. But You turn it around. Bus. And it went on till the sobbing and the conversation eased away with my pain.

It’s so small. What you and me are fighting for. Our petty, ludicrous issues. So small. We are above that. Meant for more. And life may just change. Truly He is capable of turning my/your world about, in less than the smallest time unit.

Here and now

My birthday was June 19. Since June 20, I have been mentally compiling and publishing my thank you note. It’s almost done. I wanted it big because I felt it big. July 19 came and I figured now I must publish it. Monthly connection. And then July 28th. One of the friends, who made me smile, is gone. Not knowing how grateful I was for her presence and presents! Nothing but regret remains.
I don’t want this regret. For not telling someone I love them, sorry, thank you, you mean the world to me, I forgive you; let’s talk... it’s here and now. No tomorrows.

I will publish that thank you today!

Decisions. Now

Kiran and I conversed on emails frequently. I am rotten with my FB friend’s request. I wanted to tag her in her picture today so I looked up and realized, again, she wasn’t there. Traced her from Umair’s facebook and saw her request was pending.

Went and added those I wanted to. Ignored others. But no pending. Do it today. Today is the Day To do.

Signs from God

Kiran, me and Umair met up frequently. She opened her heart to us in a capacity that marveled us. And all I can say is, there are signs from God. Everywhere. I just need to open my heart to them, and trust my eyes.

Be careful what you wish for

What did we wish for last night? Maybe some from the plane wished for peace, for attention, for God knows what. I wished to let go. I sobbed and sobbed to earn the ability to let go. And I am part scared of the implications.

Been petrified all day. A morose feeling. Tears flowing even before the news came. Numbness. Sensitivity. Cling-iness. And a surprising strength and aloofness.

Plans

Are plans for the future? Or the plan is to live 100% in the here and now.

Kiran Bokhari, my friend who passed away in the air crash on July 28, 2010

Life is a play...and my stage is

To me life is like the play Shakespeare wrote about, and unlike most trainers and leaders, the mix of internal and external locus of control, and the unknown ending to a moment, adds excitement and fun to the dance of my life!

Having lost a friend in the recent air crash has reinforced my focus on slashing negligence, listening to signs and living in the here and now.

My life’s personal philosophy, I have weaved into my life with an acronym that I use almost like a middle name. It’s called LYLA.

Love is the principal around which my life centers, and so does my work. I love to serve, to make a difference and I hold God’s love as an aspiration in life, urging me to do more.


You signify personalization, customization and people. Catering to people differently. Also highlights the uniqueness of people. It’s all about YOU.

Loads is the abundance mentality which allows me to share, let go, raise bars and set ever expanding standards.

Always or aye is un-conditionality; being principled and living with integrity.

 lyla!